Leaving the drag race finale viewing party we took a turn a little too fast, spun out, avoided hitting a car somehow and got stuck in the mud.

CHP showed up while I was looking for my AAA card, which gave my BAC time to go down; mind you I’m a mega lightweight. Around midnight or so AAA finally showed up to pull Chris’ car out of the mud, after that was all settled Chris and I decided to lie to the cops and tell them I was the one driving given I had less to drink than he did. I took a field sobriety test and passed after complaining about my shoes being expensive and not wanting to ruin them, then came the breathalyzer, I somehow blew a .03, they let us go and I drove laughing the entire way home. Cheated death for the 3rd time this year and avoided getting a DUI.

I’m convinced that my life serves some greater purpose if some shit like this went down.

And then there was Armin Van Buuren on Tuesday which was amazingggg. 

I guess I haven’t posted one of these in a while.

Been seeing this guy, taking it really slow, slower than I ever have with anyone, not sure where things will go but we’ll see I guess.

Coachella was beyond amazing. Friday consisted of taking adderall, doing jager bombs in the car, smoking some hybrid then feeling like I was en route to the Spirit Temple in Ocarina of Time. Saturday we killed the rest of the jager, more monster, and more addies. Sunday killed the tequila, monsters, some addies again, then found Molly during Pretty Lights.

As far as the live acts my favs were definitely The XX, Knife Party, Dillon Francis, Eric Prydz, Benny Benassi, The Faint, Metric, Modest Mouse, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Wolfgang Gartner, Modestep, Kill The Noise, Bat For Lashes, Major Lazer, The Postal Service, New Order, Dirtyphonics, Paul Oakenfold, Pretty Lights, Excision, and part of Wu-Tang.

Bassnectar and Grimes were kind of a let down.

Missed Trash Talk, Jamie XX, Portugal The Man, Mord Fustang and most of Wu-Tang’s set. 

Overall an amazing experience, I’m definitely doing it again next year.

Coming down from Molly sucked, took a few days for me to feel like a human being again.

Planning on going to EDC, just need to figure out where I’m gonna crash. 

Definitely going to Hard Summer after my bank account can handle it after buying my EDC ticket.

Gym wise: I’ve been doing great, my body is looking much better, noticed my 6 pack coming in this morning.

Schoolwise: I’ve got A’s in all my classes so the hard work is paying off.

I think maybe like 12 of my followers actually read my personal posts so this is for the ones who actually care about me and not just the silly gifs and what not that I post.  

Scroll on. 

but I just finally admitted it to myself during my drive home tonight.

I’ve been struggling with anorexia for the past couple of months.

Yeah I’ve been losing weight but I’ve been doing it the wrong way, what people don’t realize is how it affects your body in such a negative way, it took me long enough to see how I’ve been damaging myself.

What I will honestly admit however is that it wasn’t the judgment anyone else has passed on me by calling me fat or whatever, I’ve been my own worst critic, still to this day people’s negative criticism doesn’t affect me.

Anyway, I’m kickstarting a real diet tomorrow along with attempting to work out at least 3 times a week like I used to, which will become easier once I get my gym membership next week. Fuck this operation skinny bitch bullshit, operation look good and feel good about myself is the way to go.

I’m not going to let this defeat me, I’m a strong person, I’ve been through worse and I’ll decimate this problem day by day. 

I do want to apologize to anyone who may look up to me and want to advise you not to make the same mistake I made, whether it’s what others think of you or whether it’s what you think of yourself, if you want to get in shape then do it the right way, work out and eat right.

I bought my ticket for Coachella weekend 2…. who else gonna be there? 

I’ve learned a lot about myself today and how to take control of things I thought I had no control over.

I talked to one of my best friends from high school about it after we left the drag race viewing party; then I talked to my straight boyfriend about it before he passed out on the spare bed in my room. 

I feel like I’m able to breathe a little bit easier after all this. The only thing is waking up in the morning makes me feel like I’m back at square one, throughout the day I feel as if I have to claw my way back to the top.

Regardless, I’ll try to remember everything going through my head right now and fight my way through the day. The words are tattooed on my chest for a reason, so that I remember to stay strong and stay true to myself, I just keep forgetting it for some reason.

Water off a duck’s back.

and after all of that I’ve realized that I’m finally happy with myself.

I’m pushing myself to be the best that I can be; so what if I lost one of my jobs? I’m still kicking major ass, I’m working 2 jobs and going to school full time, which is A LOT more than a lot of my peers are doing. If that’s not enough for someone else then fuck them, I make myself happy, I don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s opinion unless they’re my family or extremely close to me.

I AM an amazing and beautiful person. I’m going to be the first of my siblings to not only get this many degrees but go to University. 

Anyway, I’m done venting, I’m going to bed, class at 8 AM and I need to keep my streak of being the best looking/dressed in class, keep those bitches pressed. 

This just happened after I tweeted her about doing a cover of Go Hard, then she tweets me about it. Brb fangirling hard as fuck. The pressure is on, this cover has to be flawless now.

Actually, it went really well.

Conversation flowed seamlessly throughout the entire date, which is always a plus in my book.

We scheduled a second date for Tuesday when I’m off work. 

I think what bugs me is how I always overlooked him because I didn’t think I stood a chance with him but I’m glad that I manned up and took a chance, maybe it’s a good thing that I waited, I did have a lot of growing up to do. 

I’m really excited to hang with him again on Tuesday. 

So Friday night I was texting this guy who I’ve had a crush on ever since I started talking to him like 3 years ago.

Long story short, I kinda have a date with him tonight.

I’m kinda nervous but at the same time kinda not, just mainly due to the fact that he knows enough about me to the point where I think it’ll go well. 

On a different note: I haven’t really talked about what happened with my ex after we broke up, I got over it pretty quickly once I realized it was pure infatuation, I just think I had this “perfect” image of him in my head, in short he isn’t perfect and that’s fine with me, we’re still friends and I don’t expect that to change since he’s a fun person to be around; at this point I don’t think I could ever be more than that with him, it’d just be weird for me. 

Not.
This fucking sucks.
On the bright side I usually heal pretty quickly after a break up.
I’m pretty upset with myself for a few reasons, I kinda just wanna go to sleep.